I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
