how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Everyone says I win the strip club
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
