don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
