Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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