Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
