I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
