Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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