easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
