chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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