There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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