are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
