well I can't set my house on fire every night
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize