Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
