...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
