i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
These tits shall not be calmed
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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