Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
