guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
