LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
