Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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