It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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