he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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