Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
