You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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