i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
