maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
