Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
