You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
