His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
