How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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