batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
