i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
