You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
