Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
