the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
