He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
