Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize