I wish my penis had an off switch
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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