You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think we might need a safe word for this...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
