there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
