My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
