I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize