kristin has been a bad kristin
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
lol hangovers are for mortals.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
