I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
