Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
