Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
