Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
