I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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