I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
