Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I am morally bankrupt
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
