UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
