The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The uberlube is also flammable
40s are totally the cure
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
