I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
