There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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