as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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