and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
