so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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