I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
