People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
