I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
