we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
