He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
