Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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