I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
