I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She told me I should be a condom model.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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