I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize