Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
