you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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