Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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