therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
