I wish I could teleport
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
