Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
