I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
