i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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