I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Welp...herpes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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